again, fuck. FUCK!!

My diary is gone. Vanished. Disappeared from my room. I can't remember the last time I saw it, where exactly it was, but it's not here anymore. I've looked everywhere, torn my room completely apart in search of it. It's just not here.

There's a chance that it's in here somewhere, that I've gone and put it somewhere really stupid and that it's safe, but I doubt it. I hate accusing my family of going through my things, but the truth is they always do. My younger sister used to steal from me all the time. Clothes, make up, jewelery, and she once stole my book of poetry and claimed my work as her own. But I've searched her room too. Still can't find it anywhere. Fuck.

I don't know what to do. I'm so close to having another (I'll get to that some other time) anxiety attack. My whole ED world is in that diary. I'm so angry at myself. I was so careless with it, leaving it lying around the way that I did. Fuck, I'm an idiot. And now someone in this house knows my secret, and they'll tell my mum and she'll be so angry and hurt and disappointed and everything will be fucked from here on out.

Then again, no one has been acting any different around me. No one in my family is a very good actor. If they knew, I'm sure I'd be able to tell. Especially if mum knew. She'd be constantly at me like she used to be, bugging me to eat more. Fuck. This is beyond fucked. I really don't know what to do.