Sigh.

I'm so tired of needing validation from everyone else so that I can feel good about myself. Really, it's just sad and pathetic. I can't be happy with me unless someone tells me I'm great, I'm pretty, I'm smart, wow that was such a clever thing to say, my jeans make my arse look good, I'm not a total waste of life. I'm so sick of feeling like this. I hate myself every second of every day and it just sucks.

Depression is hard. I should be feeling wonderful; I'm going home on the weekend, to the beach, to see my friends, to see the man I'm completely and hopelessly in love with. So why aren't I excited anymore? Probably because as soon as I decided I was going down there I also decided that I needed to be perfect before I leave, which pretty much involves not being me. I can't live up to the expectations I have for myself, which I suppose means perfection is impossible for me. Kinda sad, when you think about it. I'll never be truly happy.

Wow. Bad mood again.