Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Not a good day

I hate this place. Beyond words. I'm going insane, every day is getting worse. I can't be alone, I can't have peace and quiet, I can't even have my room to myself most days. I love my family, but I can't live with them. It's too hard. They're everywhere.

Sigh. I shouldn't talk like this. It was so good of my mother to let me live here again. After all the drama I put her through two years ago, I know it was a huge decision for her to make, and I'm grateful, but sometimes I wish I'd never asked. She can see me getting worse, feeling lower and lower. At least she doesn't notice the lack of eating. It helps that she's always at work. She's got enough to deal with, I don't want to give her my problems as well.

I feel so sorry for my mother. Since moving up here I've really noticed that no one does a thing to help her. My sisters are so fucking ungrateful for everything Mum does for us. They totally take advantage of her. I feel like I have to pick up the slack for everyone, which is really starting to drain me. I have barely any energy as it is! I've tried talking to them but they come up with the most ridiculous excuses that we just end up fighting and nothing gets resolved.

I'm tired of being the grown up. Someone else needs to step up.

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